Excerpt Post #7 – Volcanoes, Butterflies & Jesus – Shelley Zwingli

(Continued from Excerpt #6)

African Lady Vision

I close my eyes again and within seconds another vision opens up in my mind. These visions are like movie clips. Some of them are in color and others are in black and white. This vision starts with a middle-aged woman standing in front of me; she has dark skin. She is possibly of African descent. She has a cream colored linen scarf wrapped tightly around her head; she’s also wearing a long cream colored linen gown. In her arms she’s holding a new-born baby.Blog - Mother & Baby The baby is wrapped up tight in a blanket. She is a very good woman, her beautiful smile is contagious. She hands me the baby. I’m feeling extremely happy to be receiving this baby. Right at this moment I feel this baby has a connection to me. However, I don’t recognize the woman.  Even though this scene is very uplifting, I need it to stop. I’m trying to settle my mind but these visions seem to have no end. I open my eyes to stop the spiritual connection. I’m getting tired and more frustrated with every minute that ticks by. Continue reading

Reiki – Physical and Spiritual Healing

April 25, 2014 – Exactly One Year Since Dad’s Passing

 

Blog - Darlene Sopyc

Darlene Sopyc – Simple Touch

People come into our lives for a reason, season or lifetime. I met Darlene Sopyc through my auntie, Darlene Garchinski, shortly after my father passed away. My aunt had a Reiki treatment with Darlene during which my Dad’s spirit came through and gave Darlene the therapist a spiritual message. My aunt was to forward the message on to my mother. The message was this: My father’s voice would come through music and he would also leave dimes as a sign his spirit was visiting my mother. He also said he’ll be watching over her.

Continue reading

Excerpt Post #5 – Volcanoes, Butterflies & Jesus – Shelley Zwingli

Excerpt Post #5 – Volcanoes, Butterflies & Jesus – Shelley Zwingli

(Continued from Excerpt Post #4)

Awake and fully aware

 

Hearing the heavenly choir has sent my physical mind into despair. At the same time my spiritual soul is connecting to a loving power that is trying to calm all my fears. In this very moment I am of sound mind and I’m consciously aware of all my surroundings. I am fully awake. The only medication that I’ve been on for the past few days is an anti-biotic. I’m absolutely sure it doesn’t have these side effects. I’m physically alive but also experiencing the heavenly realm. The only way I can deal with this battle that is raging within me is to pray. I know that I must ask for help from God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit. I need to ask for God’s will to be done. I need to put my will aside. Whatever happens to me now is all a part of God’s divine plan for me.

The Nativity by Federigo Barocci

The Nativity – Federigo Barocci

I will also turn to our heavenly mother, the Queen of Heaven. Mary is the true mother of us all; she knows our pain. She watched her son Jesus, the Son and Savior of mankind, hang and die on the cross. What a heart break for a mother to witness. She is the purest of pure and God holds her in very high regard.  I will ask Mother Mary to intercede and pray for me as well. I will pray the rosary and plead for guidance and wisdom from our Heavenly Father. The Creator  had chosen Mary many years ago to deliver our Saviour to the world. God knew she was a faithful servant. I now need her prayers to help me through this struggle.

Trent and I are lying side by side in bed holding hands. We pray the rosary together. We pray for my healing and for me to be allowed to stay here on Earth a while longer. I’m extremely distraught and I know that Trent is very worried about what all has been taking place. When we finish the rosary he snuggles up to me and I try once again to settle down.

 

The waking visions start…

1:30 AM, Thursday, April 4, 2013

I glance at the clock it’s now 1:30 AM. I have been in bed for about three hours and have not been able to sleep. I’m still very worried about what will happen to my family if I should pass. We are all dying—every day we are one day closer to our earthly death. This reality doesn’t seem to bother us on a daily basis until an incident brings our mortality to the forefront.  I’m facing this reality right now; I can hardly deal with this certainty. How can I be here in this physical form and be hearing heavenly music?  This almost seems impossible.

Young Boy Vision

I try to sleep again and before I know what’s happening to me a vision enters my mind. This vision is much different than my NDE while in ICU at the Victoria Hospital. I was sleeping during my NDE; this new vision has appeared in my mind while I’m still awake.Blog - Young Boy (a) My eyes are closed but my mind has been opened to see a picture. It’s similar to a dream but much clearer, plus its happening while I’m fully awake. In my mind I’m being shown a picture of an eight to 10-year-old boy. He’s smiling a bright, beautiful smile. He has big eyes and chin length blonde curly hair. He is surrounded by friends in the picture. The focus is on him and this whole scene is in color. He looks familiar to me but I’m not sure who he is.

Once again I wake Trent and explain to him what has just happened. I feel horrible waking him but I’m becoming more and more distraught. I can’t seem to stop what’s happening to me. I’m an emotional wreck. I’m wondering when this unfathomable experience will end. I’m tired and wanting to sleep but every time I close my eyes and try to relax the spiritual realm makes another connection with me. I’m exhausted; almost running out of tears. Through all this turmoil Trent remains calm.

(Continued in Excerpt Post #6)

Ask, Listen and be Watchful,

Shelley Transparent Signature

Excerpt Post #4 – Volcanoes, Butterflies & Jesus – Shelley Zwingli

Excerpt Post #4 – Volcanoes, Butterflies and Jesus – Shelley Zwingli

(Continued from Excerpt Post #3)

I enter our bedroom quietly, trying not to wake Trent. I slowly slip under the covers and try to get comfortable.  As I settle into our bed I keep thinking that maybe I should have stayed in ICU for a few more days. Then again I think, they wouldn’t have discharged me if my vitals weren’t in the normal range. The second the thought normal range comes into my head, I start to panic. It was only five days before that all my tests showed me in the “normal range” with exception of the CT scan, and then I was almost dead. What if that’s the case now? What if the tests done today were also far from accurate?

Blog - Rosary Photo All I can do right now is try to fall asleep. My body is screaming for rest. One of the best ways for me to relax and calm down in the past has been to meditate and pray.  I slide my hand under my pillow to find my rosary. I have slept with a rosary under my pillow for many years now. I feel very safe and protected when it’s near. Praying the rosary is like putting the calm in my storm. Nothing else can ease a stress-filled day like the prayer of the rosary.

I’m lying on my back, still very agitated. The room seems darker than it’s ever been. I’m trying to lay still; I don’t want to disturb Trent. I lay here for about five minutes and I’m finding it difficult to close my eyes. I don’t like how dark the night is right now. I’m also noticing that my heightened state of awareness is preventing me from relaxing. I feel that Trent and I are not alone. There’s an unknown spiritual force in the room. I feel like there’s a battle going on inside me. I have never encountered this type of nervousness before.

I gently touch Trent’s shoulder to get his attention. I tell him that I’m having problems getting to sleep. I ask if it’s okay for me to turn on the bedside lamp for a while. He doesn’t mind at all. I’m hoping that the light in the room will help me relax and send away any negative energy that might be here.   I explain to Trent that I’m very scared that I still might be dying. I also tell him that my body is feeling very different since my NDE. I can’t seem to shut off my thoughts. I feel very wound up. I’m almost certain I won’t make it through the night. Death seems to be the answer to my dilemma.

Trent snuggles up to my body and once again I try to fall asleep. Within seconds of me relaxing and closing my eyes I start to hear singing. This singing is unlike anything I have ever heard here on Earth. It is the heavenly choir and they’re performing a heavenly chant beyond our human perfection. The music sounds like something written in a previous century. It reminds me of something Beethoven, Bach or Chopin might have written. It’s extremely classical but not snobbish, very welcoming and loving in nature. Both of our children have taken years of piano and theory exams. This music reminds me of something they might have played while growing up. However, this music has instruments in its orchestra that we don’t have here on earth. They are singing a very calming piece. This melody is perfectly timed and tuned; there is no room for improvement. The composer of this piece has every aspect of music mastered. It is overwhelmingly refined and fascinating to listen to. I know that this music is being performed by the heavenly choir.

I sit up quickly in hopes of stopping the music; I fear that my soul might be slipping away from Earth again. I ask Trent if he’s just heard the angels singing and he says he hasn’t. I start to cry. I’m so afraid to leave my family behind. I’m not worried about where my soul will end up because I now know that heaven does exist and it’s waiting for me.  I just never dreamt that heaven and earth were so close together, and that I could experience both of them at the same time.

(To be continued – Excerpt Post #5)

Ask, Listen and be Watchful

Shelley Transparent Signature

 

 

 

A Brief Chat with Jesus (Part II): Guest Post

Good-Friday-crosses-1(Continued from Part I)

Shelley’s Intro: A recurring dream on Good Friday annually for three years has kept Suzanne Paschall searching for its truest meaning for 15 years since…

 

Unanswered questions

First, Why do I have this dream over and over? Second, why on Good Friday, the commemoration of Jesus’ death by crucifixion on the cross?
Next, is there any symbolism in the setting – the rocky path, the cliff on one side and meadow on the other, the weather? In good fiction, these are primary storytelling elements that can serve as metaphors, foreshadowing events to come, or setting a mood or tone to heighten the scene’s meaning.
Then, why does he brush my hand away, and why does he seem to show little if any emotion? The archetype of Jesus in my memory was always presented as a good, kindly figure. This Jesus was not only not kind, but a bit stand-offish.
Also, he was clearly (to me) Jesus, and not an angel, so why did his actions and speech seem to indicate that he was an angel?
And then finally, the most intriguing question: What the heck is the meaning of the one and only statement he makes to me in this dream? “You cannot discern the lips of an angel.”
Over the years, on the occasions it would re-surface in my memory, I’ve played the game of trying to change the emphasis on different words of the sentence to see if a meaning that made sense might shake out of an altered reading.
You cannot discern the lips of an angel,” for instance, meant to me that there was something wrong with me, some obstruction in my head or heart, that was keeping me from recognizing him as who he was? Was this about my lapse of faith?
But, “you cannot discern the lips of an angel,” might read as a chastisement; or an enlightenment about the nature of angels; that they are un-discernible, so there is no point in trying to do so (by reaching out Angels & Jesusto touch them).
“You cannot discern the lips of an angel” is a most fascinating read, and could be a piece all on its own…spiritual discernment, as it turns out, is a big deal to God.
And discerning angels is actually a thing, as I learned once when I put the actual phrase Jesus spoke into Google’s search engine to see what would transpire.
In short, spiritual discernment is about a person’s ability to see the difference between truth and error; right and wrong, good and evil, ultimately, Satan and God.

Now it makes sense…?

So, wow again. With this reading I can easily go down the rabbit hole of my own co-dependency, and my resulting lack of clarity and ability to make decisions; never knowing the right or wrong answer. That could be why I couldn’t relate to any meaning for me at the time; I was in a big denial state about my situation. But now, in recovery, it actually makes a great deal of sense.
Reconnecting with God for me is in its early stages, but powerful things have already happened. My ability to “discern” is growing; I can feel it. I’m still a novice, and old habits die hard, but I’m also becoming more aware every day.
And, to be honest, I’ve stayed stuck at the word discernment in the sentence, so haven’t even made it to putting the emphasis on lips or angel yet. I’m still working on it. One day at a time. When Shelley asked me if I’d be willing to share this story for this Good Friday season, I hesitated, and then agreed. Mostly because she is such a dear person and I trust her, but also because maybe, just maybe, the answer isn’t inside me after all, but is out there somewhere…with one of you. Or maybe one of you is meant to consider your own ability to discern from reading this post.
Blessings for this Lenten season, and especially for a prayerful, thoughtful Good Friday filled with gratitude, and a glorious Easter Sunday of praise, hope and love.
I’ve always liked Socrates’ assertion that “the unexamined life is not worth living.” And this dream series event bears examining. If only because it still won’t leave me, years after its actual occurrence.

Ask, and you shall receive,
Suzanne's Signature Trans

A Brief Chat with Jesus (Part I): Guest Post


Intro from Shelley:
Part of our journey while we’re here on Earth is to be of service to others. At some point in our lives a profound spiritual awakening may take place. There’s a story in each one of us that has us opening up to the possibility of a Greater Power’s existence.

Suzanne Paschall, my editor/publisher and author of The Pink Notebook Project, recently shared with me a life altering, soul awakening event, and I asked her if she would put pen to paper to also share the story with you. The next two blog postings will help us open up to the beautiful reality of how God works. The Creator lovingly sends signs to us in our darkest moments. We are being guided and encouraged to stay on the path of life which will give us the most soulful growth.

I would like to thank Suzanne for sharing her Divine experience, A Brief Chat with Jesus. I know these posts will open up a much-needed connection for some of my readers.  I also want to invite you to share a piece of your story. You can do so through the Your Stories tab on my website.  It is through sharing parts of our life’s journey we aid in healing ourselves and each other. We are all here to grow in love and compassion. We are all teacher and student in this miraculous incarnation.

Ask, Listen and be Watchful,

Shelley

A Brief Chat with Jesus  (Part I) 

LucidDreamingI’ve always been a dreamer. I mean that literally. I’m what’s referred to in dream literature as a recaller, meaning I often remember quite a lot of detail about many dreams, long after I have them. Over the years I’ve collected books on dream research, and at one point in my life tried to practice lucid dreaming.

My dreams have been prescient (foretelling); recurring or, as I now understand, direct connections with other figures, like what I believe happened to  me when I had the same dream every Good Friday night for three years in a row.

My relationship with God, or my Higher Power, has been nebulous all my life. Though I was raised in the Lutheran faith, with the support of a fine preacher who shepherded me through Catechism, I fell away from the Church later in life for some very specific reasons. Over time, I felt like the only “higher power” I could rely on was me, and wow, I worked that martyrdom hard for a few decades.

I don’t recall what exactly was happening in my life when the recurring Jesus dream started some 15 years ago, or when it stopped recurring a few years later. But the details of it have never left me, and have left me with unanswered questions.

The dream

The dream begins with me walking on a narrow dirt path that winds along the edge of a very high cliff. Beyond the cliff to my right I can see a massive expanse of ocean. The horizon is dark and changing, a storm is brewing. But I don’t feel any sense of temperature, of cold or heat. I know I am dreaming. I don’t feel any emotions, except a little curiosity as I advance slowly on this path, taking care not to trip on the occasional stones that appear in the path.
To the left of the path is a wide thatch of wild meadow. The growth is patchy and scraggly; it’s not a tended crop field; nor a garden. The area seems deserted, and there is a forest off in the extreme distance left and forward.
I feel the wind pick up, freshen off the ocean, and now I do feel temperature—a tinge of cool, moist air—as I approach a bend in the path that slowly rises up. I round the corner, and my tread become uncontrollably leaden. It’s as if I’m being compelled by some greater force to slow my steps. I climb up the rise and a figure slowly comes into view.
It’s a man sitting quietly on a rock on a small plateau at the cliff’s edge. There are numerous boulder-like stones strewn at this spot. The man is sitting calmly, clearly waiting for someone to approach. I assume it’s me, because I’m the only other person here. I approach him very slowly, and more details come into view. He’s wearing a long white robe, with a rope belt tied casually at his side. He has long brown wavy hair. His hands are in his lap. He’s facing away from the ocean, looking directly at me. He is neither smiling nor scowling. His face is completely passive, expressionless, except for his brown eyes that look blandly at me. He is otherwise as motionless as a statue.
He doesn’t speak, but seems to be waiting for me to ask a question. I don’t know how I know this, but I do. However, I have no idea what is the question I’m supposed to ask.
I stop in front of him, perhaps a foot away. We look at each other. For some reason, I reach out with my hand to touch his lips. (I have no idea why I do this.) His reaction is strange, and becomes the first of my questions that I have after the dream. He moves his hand up quickly to push my hand away. His face doesn’t change, but it clearly appears to be a gesture of rebuff.
I feel confusion bloom on my face, but I can’t speak. Then he does, and he says, quite clearly but without emotion, “You cannot discern the lips of an angel.”

It reverberates inside me, repeating and repeating. I continue to look at him. I glance over at the ocean, at the approaching weather, and wonder why I’m here, and what I’m supposed to be learning. I feel quite strongly that he is Jesus, and that this is a lesson. That I’ve been brought to this precipice for a reason, and that unlike a dream, this appears to be a direct communication with this figure, executed through a sleep-state. Again, I don’t know how I know this, but I most emphatically do. I have years and years of attentive dream experience to compare this to, and this encounter stands unique.

This is where the dream-state experience ends, and I wake up. I then experience this again on the next Good Friday and I have this dream for several years—on this night and only on this night.
I never forget it, it never changes…and I never figure out the central questions that stay with me to this day.

(Continued in Part II – Unanswered Questions)

Spiritually Woven – The Pink Notebook

The timing of events in our lives couldn’t be woven more perfectly. We fall into each other’s lives at the exact moment we are required to; there are no mistakes when we allow the universe to take charge. This perfect timing is set in motion once we send a request out to the universe, and at that time we may not have even realized that we’ve made a request for help. What I’ve come to recognize, however, is the universe knows us better than we know ourselves. The universe knows our true soul’s desire and it acts on our appeal.

Blog - Woven PictureMy perfect weaving started from the moment of my conception, and throughout every stage of my life, the right people have entered the scene. It is only in the past couple of years that I’ve figured out just how perfectly intertwined our lives are with one another. I have also learned to let go and allow the Divine to take charge of the wheel, thereby allowing people that have been placed on my path to add extreme value to my journey. When we embrace our life path and place our controlling ego aside, we give the universe the permission to guide us into unfathomable spiritual growth.

Immediately after my near death experience (NDE), I surrendered to controlling my life. The NDE awoke in me the trusting quality that is required to fully let go and believe in a loving Creator that only wants the best for me and all of creation. I also started noticing all the little things in life were truly the big things in life. I started paying very close attention to signs from above, signs that I generally would of sloughed off as just a coincidence.

Over time, I’ve learned that there are numerous ways the Creator is able to gain our attention. Some of these include repetitive numbers, words in a song, smells, thoughts that won’t go away, people that we keep running into, feathers on our path, and coins in very odd places. I consider these coincidences as ways the universe knocks on our door.

Meaningful connections

One so called repetitive incident for me started with my good friend, Arlene Shields. In the summer of 2013, I had shared my NDE with Arlene and she immediately knew of an editor/publisher that could help me share my story. Arlene repeatedly mentioned Suzanne’s name to me over a course of about six months, and would not let me rest until she knew I had booked and appointment with her. Arlene was definitely instrumental in guiding me to my editor/publisher, Suzanne Paschall, and ultimately the conduit for the direction I needed to take to help create my writing skills. At the time I had no idea how much of an impact Suzanne would have in my life. The surprise for both Suzanne and I was that we actually needed each other at that exact time in our lives. Arlene helped ignite a fire in each of us.

In the fall of 2013, upon meeting Suzanne, I realized that she was the only person that I could fully trust with my NDE story. We made an instant connection, and I shared all kinds of details of my life with her and she reciprocated. Suzanne had told me that she had just starting working with a nun by the name of Sister Val Leibel who was writing a book which had Suzanne rethinking her take on God. The name “Sister Val” immediately had me sitting up in my chair. We had a Sister by the name of “Val” in Melfort many years ago. Suzanne confirmed that this was the same woman. Was this another coincidence? I think NOT!

I was the second person to enter Suzanne’s life in a matter of a few months, and I also was bringing God and our spirituality to the forefront. These two little coincidences (Sister Val and myself) were a sign for Suzanne to open up to the possibility that God didn’t just reside in church, and that being upset with God over a man-made church doctrine was not going to help her move forward.

The Creator that I gave control to is all loving and forgiving. Mankind tends to make all kinds of rules and regulations. Many of these laws are not of God and in turn it becomes very easy for us to judge each other because of these man-made rules.  In effect, it is as if we have taken the role of playing God, whom we are not, when we really should be focusing on our own personal connectedness with the Divine.

Blog - Pink NotebookComing home to God

Our Creator is a loving maker that is trying to bring Suzanne back underneath the proverbial wing.  She had been asking for help and within the next couple years her loving Maker would show her the true meaning of her existence. One must only ask for help and it shall be granted.

With the universe in total control of Suzanne’s request, Sister Val, Arlene and myself have all aided her into a new chapter of life. She has embarked on a writing journey that is far overdue. She has been an instrument in many authors’ success and now it is her turn. Suzanne is putting her knowledge of writing and editing to use for her own soul’s growth. She has learned that life isn’t only about serving others; it must also be about helping herself.

Please check out my dear friend Suzanne’s new site, The Pink Notebook Project. She is taking “asking the universe” to a much greater level, and following her blog will most definitely warm your heart and help your soul soar.

Ask, Listen and be Watchful,

Shelley Transparent Signature

 

Excerpt Post #3 – Volcanoes, Butterflies & Jesus – Shelley Zwingli

Excerpt Post #3 – Volcanoes, Butterflies & Jesus – Shelley Zwingli

(Continued from Excerpt Post #2)

9:00 PM, Wednesday, April 3, 2013, Zwingli Farm

Blog - Water dropletBranelle sits with her back towards me in the washroom. She’s my safety net. I step into the warm shower and instantly feel a different sort of water hitting my skin. This water feels like living water, it seems to have life within it. I glance down at my body and watch the water trickle down my skin. It’s creating little pathways that look like river streams of color. I feel every drop of water land and it feels intensely refreshing. I have also observed that every water droplet is holding a little rainbow within its self. All these water droplets are awake with a flickering brilliance of color. I don’t mind this new-found awakening; I’m just struggling with how my senses seem to be overloaded with this super-clarity of everything in sight. This sensory awareness doesn’t seem to be letting up…if anything, it’s becoming more intense.

I was just about to share what I have observed in the water with Branelle, when I stop myself. I don’t want to burden my family with all of these details; the NDE was almost too much for them to handle.  I decide to keep some of these realizations to myself. I know deep down that something has drastically changed within me. I will just try to sort through it on my own. Maybe once I get a good night’s sleep under my belt I will wake to a new day, my normal life will resume and I will feel like my old self again.

Branelle and I head upstairs after my shower. I’m finding it very difficult to climb this many stairs. It was just 10 days ago when I was running up and down these levels without any effort. Now it’s taking a great deal of energy, and I don’t have much get up and go. I will just keep telling myself that tomorrow will be a better day. Every day I have made progress and I will keep thinking positively.

10:30 PM – Will the Morning Come?

Trent, Branelle and I visit for a few more minutes in the living room. It’s been a long day for all of us. Trent gets up and gives both of his girls a kiss, he then heads upstairs to bed. Branelle and I stay up for a few more minutes. I share with her how scared I am of going to sleep. I’m worried that I might not wake up in the morning.

Blog - Excerpt #3What I have seen is far too real. I have been shown a glimpse of the afterworld and even though I love where I’m headed when I pass I still don’t want to leave my family yet. I also haven’t been very truthful with Trent and Branelle when it comes to how my body has changed since the near death experience. I haven’t told them everything that I’m feeling and visually seeing. I don’t want to freak them out. I will just keep praying privately for some help and guidance. Hopefully all this will pass and I will be okay.

Branelle and I head upstairs for bed as well; I tuck her in and ask her to pray for my continued healing. I know that God hears our prayers and answers them all. I also realize that the answers may not be the answers that we want. The Maker is in control of our destiny. I just hope that this is not the end of my life here on Earth. I hope there are many more pages to my life story. I kiss my girl goodnight and head down the hall to our master bedroom.

(To be continued – Excerpt Post #4)

Ask, Listen and be Watchful

Shelley Transparent Signature

Excerpt Post #2 : Volcanoes, Butterflies & Jesus – Shelley Zwingli

Excerpt Post #2 : Volcanoes, Butterflies & Jesus – Shelley Zwingli

(Continued from Excerpt Post #1)

7:15 PM, Wednesday, April 3, 2013, Zwingli Farm, Melfort, Saskatchewan

I enter the house on the lower level and Trent greets me at the base of the first set of stairs in the basement. He gives me a warm kiss and hug. I share with him my concerns; he knows that I’m not the same person I was before my surgery. My whole being has shifted. I’m very worried about my future:  Will I still be here tomorrow, or will I be in heaven?

Once again I share with Trent how my spirit left my body. My crossing over into heaven was an incredibly beautiful event. I wouldn’t trade what I have seen for anything on this planet. Trent and I hold each other and cry together. We realize just how fast our lives can change. I’m so thankful for his understanding. Many men would have thought I’d lost my mind, but Trent knows me better than that. Through the tears and the soft tone in my voice he knows my heavenly trip was exactly as I describe it, a life altering encounter with our loving Creator.

Back home, but not like it was before

Trent and I are a couple with similar spiritual beliefs and we know that trust is the foundation of our relationship. We are certain of each other’s credibility beyond a shadow of a doubt. He knows that I’m an honest person, and what I have experienced is as real as him standing right in front of me. I will always see him as trustworthy and rational. He knows to never doubt me in a critical situation, as I will only speak the truth.

Trent and I make our way upstairs to the kitchen. Earlier that day Branelle had made a fresh pot of homemade chicken soup. The three of us sit down in the dining room and enjoy our meal together. Nothing beats homemade cooking when you’re sick, and no one can make a pot of soup like our daughter Branelle. This is exactly what I have been craving for the last couple days.

It feels great to be back home. The three of us visit for a while after supper but as we discuss the weekly events both in and out of the hospital. I’m finding it very difficult to stay focused on the conversation. My mind keeps taking me back to what I had witnessed just a few hours ago. I’m finding it very hard to concentrate on anything other than that divine experience.

I keep pulling my thoughts back to their dialogue but I just can’t seem to hold my attention firmly on their discussion. I have never been so agitated in my life. I keep wondering, how long will this sensation last? It’s incredibly challenging to act normal when deep down inside I know that I’m teetering between life and death.

I get up from the dining table and ask Branelle if she would stay in the bathroom with me while I take a shower. I really don’t need any assistance once I’m in the shower but I don’t feel comfortable being in the bathroom by myself.  In the course of the past week I have lost 12 pounds, I’m very weak and worried that I could slip and fall in the shower. I would love to have a bath but that to presents a problem; there is no way that I could get myself in and out of the tub without the help of a couple of people.  The shower seems like the safest bet. I will feel safe knowing Branelle is right there, just in case I need her.

I’m still noticing that something has shifted in my physical and spiritual realm. It’s as though an awareness and clarity has opened up my vision to see physical objects totally different.  My physical body is looking and feeling very mortal. I visually see the brokenness in my physical self. It’s as if I’m looking at my body for the first time and really noticing every detail that it holds with extreme definition.  I have never noticed all the wrinkles on my hands before; my hands look very leathery and old. I’m shocked at how dark my freckles seem to be, they are jumping right out at me. I’m sure they’ve never looked like this in the past. Visibly to me my body has aged about 30 years in the past seven days.  I feel as if I’m standing outside my body and that a part of my being has become a bystander. At this very moment I’m realizing my spiritual consciousness has been opened. My perception of the physical world has been altered and I’m not sure how to return to my normal state of reality.

This is a very beautiful awareness that I’m experiencing, but because it’s so far away from the normal state of consciousness it’s also extremely frightening. I keep hoping and praying that this will all settle down soon.

(Continued in Excerpt #3)

Ask, Listen and be Watchful

Shelley Transparent Signature