I reach under my pillow and find my rosary once more. I start to pray it again in silence. I know Trent needs some sleep, his work day is fast approaching and I have kept him awake for most of the night. I can’t tell him everything that’s happening to me. It’s not fair for me to expect him to understand it all. I don’t understand it. I don’t want to overwhelm him, even though I’m sure I already have. I lay here wondering if I’m going crazy, and just as quickly as that thought enters my mind the angels start to sing again. I now know that I’m not going crazy, this is all so beautiful and holy. I know it comes from our loving God. I’m just struggling with how is it’s possible for me to be in this physical world and also be experiencing the spiritual realm, all at the same time.
A Battle Within
I slowly work my way around my rosary and about half way through the prayer I feel a black energy enter the room. This negative energy doesn’t like the praying that I’m doing. I feel somewhat helpless as it takes hold of me. I’m now being held down in bed by a heavy negative force. I have the sensation that my breath is being vacuumed up and I feel my soul begin its decent into a deep dark empty hole. I’m struggling to breath and I know my lungs are almost empty. The grip of this black negative energy is undeniable; it’s a death that my beautiful soul does not want to be a part of. It’s the opposition, and it’s waging a battle. Within a split second I feel a release that pushes my body forward; I sit up suddenly in bed and gasp for air. This encounter has me terrified and now questioning my understanding of heaven and hell.
I know that there’s a reason for this entire experience, and I have to pray and meditate until the answers are revealed. I feel like there’s a spiritual battle going on inside of me. I will continue to ask for guidance from our Creator, Jesus and Mary on how to deal with what I have been shown. I know that I have lived a good and honest life. God’s plan for me will be shown in due time. But until I can get my head wrapped around what I’ve been witnessing I won’t be able to settle down and sleep. I need a divine intervention to pull me through this ordeal.
5:30 AM – April 4, 2013
I whisper to Trent once again that I’m getting up and I head downstairs. I have to try to figure this out. I settle myself down on our couch and I start to reminisce. I think back to my childhood and how my faith was taught to me by my parents. I was promised that good or a positive energy that comes from God and divine love will always conquer evil. I was also taught that through my baptism I was reborn and a child of God. I believe that Jesus came to save me from damnation. I am positive I have nothing to worry about. These are the truths that I believe in, but only up to this point in time.
A Beautiful Torture
Through this somewhat beautiful yet torturous occurrence that I’m living right now, my soul is beginning to challenge my former belief system. The questioning that I’m doing is healthy and a must. The last few years of my life I had began to doubt the existence of hell. I had read many articles in relation to this topic and I was beginning to feel that the subject of hell was more of a fear tactic when it comes to religions. I was pretty sure that the loving God that I was brought up with would not have a need for such a harsh punishment, such as burning in hell. I believed that all souls would be forgiven at some point in eternity.
I now realize that the negative energy that keeps showing me its ugly face is very much alive and to be avoided. I am a good person who is being shown these unfavorable scenes for a reason. I need to take this seriously. Even though our Creator is a loving nurturing deity we still are required to live a life of love and service to all. I also realize that there are people who choose to follow an evil force. They have also chosen to turn their back on God. God wants every soul to acknowledge their imperfections and ask for help and healing. If this does not happen and these lost souls refuse to live a life of love and service they will be condemned upon dying.
(To be Continued in Excerpt #10)
Ask, Listen and be Watchful,