Who can I turn to?
The visions are not something that can be proven by science and that reality has me very nervous. Throughout my life I have learned if science can’t explain an occurrence then it must not be reality. This thought has me very sad and uncertain about who I can turn to for help. I am also aware of the fact that if mankind can’t put his scientific reasoning and ego aside while dealing with the spirit world I don’t have chance at getting the assistance needed to pull me through this strange yet beautiful state.
I now know that the soul can transcend the body while still being alive. With God’s assistance the soul can separate from the physical world at any given point–anything is possible with the Creator’s involvement. However, our ego and physical form always wants to take charge and discount anything that is not scientifically probable. Until science and spirituality meet in the middle with tolerance and respect it will just be my word against that of trained professionals. I’m very worried about my outcome.
I get up off the couch and head back into the kitchen. I can’t relax because it always ends up with another vision coming to me. I am so fearful of sleep and the possibility of not waking. I’m not ready to leave my family. I still have so much life to live. I glance over at the stack of unopened mail on the countertop and start to panic. If I die today I’m leaving so many jobs undone. I start to open a few envelopes but my mind will not let me focus on the job at hand. My mind will not calm down long enough to sort out this small task. I’m feeling too weak and spiritually distraught to deal with such a common daily activity.
I’m usually a fairly organized person but over the past couple of years my attention to earthly obligations has been falling a bit behind. My memory is taken back to a Bible reading that stresses the importance of having your house in order in the event of your death. I start to cry. This is not how I would like to leave things for my family. I have left too many important details in disarray. I never dreamt that I’d run out of time. I always thought there’d be another day to catch up on unfinished business. I now realize that I was very wrong.
9:00 am, April 4, 2013
I head upstairs to wake Branelle. I need her guidance and thoughts to help me figure out what’s really going on with me. I knock on her door to wake her and then walk in. She rolls over in bed, “Did you sleep okay Mom?” she asks. She has no idea of the kind of spiritual unrest I have been dealing with all through the night. “I didn’t get one minute of sleep” I say. She sees the sorrow in my eyes. I sit on the edge of her bed and explain in short detail what my night was like. She begins to cry. I feel horrible unloading this turmoil onto her but I have no one else to turn to at this moment. Trent is busy outside with a client at the grain cleaning plant. I don’t want to overburden him either. This is so out of character for me. I’m just as scared for them. How much can we all handle?
Branelle is a very good-hearted young woman. I know she has a strong spiritual connection to our Creator. She also knows that the mother that raised her would never embellish such a sacred experience. We hold each other and cry. We are very much aware of the reality that could lie ahead. Through her tears she says, “I’m too young to lose my mother. I want you at our wedding in December.” We both realize that our lives are not in our hands.
(To be continued in Excerpt #13)
Ask, Listen and be Watchful,