Excerpt Post #4 – Volcanoes, Butterflies and Jesus – Shelley Zwingli
I enter our bedroom quietly, trying not to wake Trent. I slowly slip under the covers and try to get comfortable. As I settle into our bed I keep thinking that maybe I should have stayed in ICU for a few more days. Then again I think, they wouldn’t have discharged me if my vitals weren’t in the normal range. The second the thought normal range comes into my head, I start to panic. It was only five days before that all my tests showed me in the “normal range” with exception of the CT scan, and then I was almost dead. What if that’s the case now? What if the tests done today were also far from accurate?
All I can do right now is try to fall asleep. My body is screaming for rest. One of the best ways for me to relax and calm down in the past has been to meditate and pray. I slide my hand under my pillow to find my rosary. I have slept with a rosary under my pillow for many years now. I feel very safe and protected when it’s near. Praying the rosary is like putting the calm in my storm. Nothing else can ease a stress-filled day like the prayer of the rosary.
I’m lying on my back, still very agitated. The room seems darker than it’s ever been. I’m trying to lay still; I don’t want to disturb Trent. I lay here for about five minutes and I’m finding it difficult to close my eyes. I don’t like how dark the night is right now. I’m also noticing that my heightened state of awareness is preventing me from relaxing. I feel that Trent and I are not alone. There’s an unknown spiritual force in the room. I feel like there’s a battle going on inside me. I have never encountered this type of nervousness before.
I gently touch Trent’s shoulder to get his attention. I tell him that I’m having problems getting to sleep. I ask if it’s okay for me to turn on the bedside lamp for a while. He doesn’t mind at all. I’m hoping that the light in the room will help me relax and send away any negative energy that might be here. I explain to Trent that I’m very scared that I still might be dying. I also tell him that my body is feeling very different since my NDE. I can’t seem to shut off my thoughts. I feel very wound up. I’m almost certain I won’t make it through the night. Death seems to be the answer to my dilemma.
Trent snuggles up to my body and once again I try to fall asleep. Within seconds of me relaxing and closing my eyes I start to hear singing. This singing is unlike anything I have ever heard here on Earth. It is the heavenly choir and they’re performing a heavenly chant beyond our human perfection. The music sounds like something written in a previous century. It reminds me of something Beethoven, Bach or Chopin might have written. It’s extremely classical but not snobbish, very welcoming and loving in nature. Both of our children have taken years of piano and theory exams. This music reminds me of something they might have played while growing up. However, this music has instruments in its orchestra that we don’t have here on earth. They are singing a very calming piece. This melody is perfectly timed and tuned; there is no room for improvement. The composer of this piece has every aspect of music mastered. It is overwhelmingly refined and fascinating to listen to. I know that this music is being performed by the heavenly choir.
I sit up quickly in hopes of stopping the music; I fear that my soul might be slipping away from Earth again. I ask Trent if he’s just heard the angels singing and he says he hasn’t. I start to cry. I’m so afraid to leave my family behind. I’m not worried about where my soul will end up because I now know that heaven does exist and it’s waiting for me. I just never dreamt that heaven and earth were so close together, and that I could experience both of them at the same time.
Ask, Listen and be Watchful